Bare: A Pop Opera

Plain Jane Fat Ass

Play

Ivy
Hey romeo...you coming?

Jason
In a sec...

Nadia
Congratulations romeo! dad'll be excited.

Jason
Yeah, looking forward to that conversation...

Nadia
Now, don't forget.
Behind every great man is a dim-witted sister who just wants to be fed.
Nurse! who knew? i thought for sure i'd get peasant number eight...
Or jolly spinstress number three.

Jason
I know you have more confidence in your acting than that.

Nadia
Oh, i do

Nadia
I know a girl full of confidence.
Yes, whenever she's full, she's a confident girl.
She'll have your piece of pie-
Then inhale another ten
There's a thin girl inside her with twelve of her friends.
Hips that could bear you a buffalo

Jason
Longhorn?

Nadia
Ass thats so vast i could block out the sun

Jason
You know that you're insane

Nadia
I'm a caution for the vain.
Mothers say 'well, dear there's fat, then there's jane.'

Plain jane fat ass
Guilty of swallowing jenny craig whole
Plane jane fat ass
Keeping society so ill at ease and loving her role.

Jason
Why are you so hard on yourself?

Nadia
Why are you such an over achiever?

Jason
Nadia, it's just that i know you'd be happier-

Nadia
Okay, kiddo- i didn't spend thousand of dollars on private golf lessons
So you could quit the team sophomore year.

Jason
It's mind over matter-

Nadia
If you keep your mind focused-

Jason
We just want you to be happy...

Nadia
To make us happy...

But why can't the fat girl play juliet?
It's the plumpest of roles, so then why not pick me?

Jason
It's just a stupid show

Nadia
Says the dashing romeo
Well, i've played a servant for years in a row.

But i'll have the last laugh- you bet your ass.
Hurt me? you can't- i have mounds of thick skin.
Beating high school doesn't last, and someday, i have a hunch
That i'll eat them for breakfast and shit them for lunch.

Plain jane fat ass
Hungry for love, she's a sensitive soul
Plain jane fat ass
Keeping society so ill at ease and loving her role.

Dad's birthday package arrived
Two weeks late as usual
Here's your birthday check
Financial proof that dad still loves ya!

And oh, surprise ! a note !
'dear jason,
Please find enclosed this very thick package that came for you yesterday
I talked with father flynn, and he told me you were in
But call anyway when you open it...notre dame!
But we always knew that you'd keep the mcconnell flame burning
Love, dad'

Jason
What did dad get you?

Nadia
You mean what did dad's secretary get me...?
These earrings
I think they're slimming...what do you think?

Jason
Come hereivy
Hey romeo...you coming?

Jason
In a sec...

Nadia
Congratulations romeo! dad'll be excited.

Jason
Yeah, looking forward to that conversation...

Nadia
Now, don't forget.
Behind every great man is a dim-witted sister who just wants to be fed.
Nurse! who knew? i thought for sure i'd get peasant number eight...
Or jolly spinstress number three.

Jason
I know you have more confidence in your acting than that.

Nadia
Oh, i do

Nadia
I know a girl full of confidence.
Yes, whenever she's full, she's a confident girl.
She'll have your piece of pie-
Then inhale another ten
There's a thin girl inside her with twelve of her friends.
Hips that could bear you a buffalo

Jason
Longhorn?

Nadia
Ass thats so vast i could block out the sun

Jason
You know that you're insane

Nadia
I'm a caution for the vain.
Mothers say 'well, dear there's fat, then there's jane.'

Plain jane fat ass
Guilty of swallowing jenny craig whole
Plane jane fat ass
Keeping society so ill at ease and loving her role.

Jason
Why are you so hard on yourself?

Nadia
Why are you such an over achiever?

Jason
Nadia, it's just that i know you'd be happier-

Nadia
Okay, kiddo- i didn't spend thousand of dollars on private golf lessons
So you could quit the team sophomore year.

Jason
It's mind over matter-

Nadia
If you keep your mind focused-

Jason
We just want you to be happy...

Nadia
To make us happy...

But why can't the fat girl play juliet?
It's the plumpest of roles, so then why not pick me?

Jason
It's just a stupid show

Nadia
Says the dashing romeo
Well, i've played a servant for years in a row.

But i'll have the last laugh- you bet your ass.
Hurt me? you can't- i have mounds of thick skin.
Beating high school doesn't last, and someday, i have a hunch
That i'll eat them for breakfast and shit them for lunch.

Plain jane fat ass
Hungry for love, she's a sensitive soul
Plain jane fat ass
Keeping society so ill at ease and loving her role.

Dad's birthday package arrived
Two weeks late as usual
Here's your birthday check
Financial proof that dad still loves ya!

And oh, surprise ! a note !
'dear jason,
Please find enclosed this very thick package that came for you yesterday
I talked with father flynn, and he told me you were in
But call anyway when you open it...notre dame!
But we always knew that you'd keep the mcconnell flame burning
Love, dad'

Jason
What did dad get you?

Nadia
You mean what did dad's secretary get me...?
These earrings
I think they're slimming...what do you think?

Jason
Come here